Episode 75

Jonny is a dedicated husband, dog-dad and sponsor living in Michigan. For Jonny, most people around him weren’t able to tell he was developing an addiction. He was able to “hide in plain sight.” It wasn’t that no one was around or paying attention. His intensity and drive were evident and he was commended for it. What was happening inside though, that was another matter. Jonny’s internal struggles would lead him to very dark places. Today we’ll hear his story of finding the way out into a life where self-acceptance, which was only a dream before, finally became real.

From The Narcotics Anonymous Step Working Guide, p 31

If we could look at the disease of addiction stripped of its primary symptoms – that is, apart from drug use or other compulsive behavior – and without its most obvious characteristics, we would find a swamp of self-centered fear. We’re afraid of being hurt, or maybe of just having to feel too intensely, so we live a sort of half-life, going through the motions of living but never being fully alive.
We’re afraid of everything that might make us feel, so we isolate and withdraw. We’re afraid that people won’t like us, so we use drugs to be more comfortable with ourselves. We’re afraid we’ll get caught at something and have to pay a price, so we lie or cheat or hurt others to protect ourselves. We’re afraid of being alone, so we use and exploit others to avoid feeling lonely or rejected or abandoned.

We’re afraid we won’t have enough-of anything – so we selfishly pursue what we want, not caring about the harm we cause in the process. Sometimes, if we’ve gained things we care about in recovery, we’re afraid we’ll lose what we have, and so we begin compromising our principles to protect it. Self-centered, self-seeking fear-we need to uproot it so it no longer has the power to destroy.


Helpful Links

https://gssana.org/books/na-step-working-guide.pdf NA Step Working Guide

https://na.org/  Narcotics Anonymous

https://www.aa.org/ Alcoholics Anonymous

https://lifering.org/ LifeRing Secular (non-religious) Recovery

https://sherecovers.org/ She Recovers (you can access the Facebook group here)

https://womenforsobriety.org/ Women for Sobriety

https://www.smartrecovery.org/ SMART Recovery

https://r20.com/ Recovery 2.0